Writing Samples

		here…old friends and new friends inviting me to dinners and dinners and dinners. I’ve gained what my director Wendy has kindly coined “minor celebrity fat”! So I started dieting a few days ago…she suggested the Atkins diet. So extreme. No carbs whatsoever, but you can eat all the meat you want. Today, I had a rack of lamb…for breakfast! It’s crazy, when she asked how it was working, I was so hungry I almost ate her. It wouldn’tve been cheating! …tried the Raw Foods Diet…all I’ll say is, it’s hard to fit a port-a-pottee in your purse! Tonight, I’m starting a really far-fetched diet. It’s called ‘Stop Eating When Your Full Diet.’ I don’t know why I’m even trying! So many of us when over-eating are actually not really eating food, but eating our dark feelings, stuffing them down with food. I’ve had bad days when I’ve gorged on the “I’m		Worthless Fried Chicken”, and washed it down with the “I’m Ugly Merlot”, chased by the “I’m Stupid Quart of Chocolate Hagen Daas.” But I must say, I really miss the “I’m An Embarrassment To My Entire Family White Chocolate Truffles!” Being shunned by people can either depress you, or cause you to find ways to cope in life. So, I brought a book just in case I don’t get the attention I require here - written by a paranoiac who understandably prefers to remain anonymous, called ‘Great Tips To Enhance The Modern Paranoid Lifestyle’. Really helpful stuff for paranoiacs, and you know who you are in the audience. Raise your hand if you’re paranoi…oh no you’re probably not comfortable with that. Anyway, in my favorite chapter entitled “Don’t Look Over Your Shoulder Someone is Watching You Read This Book Right Now”, there’s some great advice about how to handle a situation for
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